10 things you might hear down the bookies on day one of Cheltenham
The bookies is uncharted territory for some.
It's Day One of Cheltenham, essentially the World Cup of horse-racing over fences.
People who have never before stepped into a bookies will venture forth and be puzzled and puzzling at the same time.
Today's the day when grizzled, gambling veterans and novice, €1 each/way punters rub shoulders in the sanctuary of the bookies.
1. 'Stick everything you have on anything that Ruby is riding.'
Not bad advice at all in fairness, but non-racing fans will have heard this and followed it to the letter of the law.
2. 'So, they actually make books here too?'
The term 'bookmakers' will cause flummoxing of the highest order.
3. 'This is the worst Argos I've ever been in.'
People will follow people. They will follow the throngs heading into the bookies. They will be mystified.
The little pens only add to the confusion.
4. 'If it falls, we get our money back, right?'
Bless their cotton socks.
5. 'So, you're saying the jockey needs to be sat on the horse as it crosses the line?'
The fella screaming wildly as his unmanned horse crossed the line 20 lengths in front of the rest.
6. 'Do horses turn grey the older they get?'
We'll let that one just sit there.
7. 'Each way? There's another way? How many ways are there?'
Wait till they hear about the Super Yankee.
8. 'Prestbury Park? Eh no, Cheltenham please.'
It's only easy when you know, right?
9. 'I'll have 50 cent each way on the fella wearing the lovely red silk number.'
The age-old betting technique on selecting the one that looks nice. Follow that up by throwing a mortgage-crunching 50 cent each way on it.
10. 'He's a non-runner? So, what does he do? Walk? Skip?'
They might be confused when the clerk tells them the horse they've picked isn't running.