JOE’s definitive list of unwritten football rules

How many of these resonate with you?

This JOE was pissed off while watching Everton's recent match against WBA. Kevin Mirallas took the ball from Leighton Baines, the Toffees' designated penalty taker, put the ball on the spot and missed. It's an unwritten rule in football that you always let your best penalty taker strike the ball from 12 yards. This got JOE thinking about some of the other 'unwritten' rules in football. 1) Defenders shielding the ball in the corner A defender will always use his arse, elbows and arms to protect a ball that's about to run over the by-line in order to get a goalkick, This is clear obstruction but will never be blown up as a free-kick by the referee. If the exact same incident happened anywhere else on the pitch then it would always be a free-kick and a potential booking also. Strikers all around Ireland must want to punch their TV sets when they see this happen. 2) Short-run up on a penalty Don't like it. Never will. Only Giuseppe Signori was able to perfect this skill, although it's always funny seeing Sunday league players trying to replicate this. It seldom works. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YOrYqTuAes 3) If a player scores against his old club then he won't celebrate OK, there are certain exceptions when this is ok. For example, Frank Lampard's recent goal against Chelsea or Henrik Larsson's strike against Celtic for Barcelona come to mind but there's definitely a limit. Just because a striker enjoyed a three-month loan spell when he was a teenager isn't a good enough reason for him to not lose their s#*t after hitting the back of the net against his former employers. Note: Players never think of their new fans, do they? That's why we love this clip of David Villa celebrating his first goal for Atletico Madrid against Barcelona. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jK-w0c3FjSo 4) When the ball rolls away from the spot during a penalty shoot-out Definite miss. The player's concentration is broken and the centre-half who looked as nervous as a 17-year-old doing the Leaving Cert is doomed to balloon his penalty higher and wider than Chris Waddle in Italia '90. 5) The proper etiquette for an injury The gentlemanly thing to do is to return the ball to the opposition, assuming they kicked it out of play so your teammate could get medical attention. However, football isn't a gentlemanly game. It's assumed that footballers will always channel their inner Jonny Sexton and find touch within inches of the by-line in an effort to pin the opposition in their own half. The weird thing is that this is OK. What's not alright though is when the opponents keep the ball and try to exploit a situation where it's 11 v 10. Not cool.  Who remembers this goal? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whO5GAFBp30 6) The 'Jailhouse rules' tackles Imagine this. A striker or midfielder has just manged to get a shot away as a defender scrambles across to make a desperate last-minute block. The ball has just left the striker's boot and is travelling towards the target. However, the lunging defender is free to follow through with as much force, studs and impact as they want. Very few referees will bring the play back to award a free-kick despite this clearly being a dangerous tackle. As a defender, this JOE used to love this loop-hole. Cue my evil laugh. 7) Any contact on a 'keeper is a free-kick If today's rules are anything to go by then you would probably think that Peter Schmeichel or Oliver Kahn were old ladies that wore flowery dresses and couldn't handle themselves. Rubbish. Granted there are times when 'keepers are impeded but if a goalkeeper feels any sort of contact then the ref will always blow his whistle. This is incredibly unfair considering... 8) Keepers get away with murder How may times have you seen a 'keeper come to collect a ball only to absolutely wipe-out an opposing player with a punch to the head? Or, 'keepers coming to claim the ball with their studs so high up that it looks like they're dong their very best impression of the Nigel De Jong tackle on Xabi Alonso? Who remembers this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGq7VcaHoqo 9) The word 'mercurial' It's fancy pants talk for a lazy, moody and inconsistent striker who usually scores one great goal every few weeks and does nothing else for the rest of the month. You all know who these types are. *Cough*Dimitar Berbatov*Splutter* 10) Winning the coin-toss Always choose to kick-off the first half with the wind on your back. Always. This is Ireland for God's sake, the weather changes more times than Zlatan changes clubs. 11) Players and gloves It's acceptable for players to wear gloves during those cold winter months, although this JOE always felt I had an edge over a 'soft' opponent who wore them. We believe that it's 100% NOT acceptable for players to wear them in any other season that isn't winter. Just don't tell Diego Costa we said that. 12) The FIFA rule with the full-time whistle A full-time whistle will only be blown after an attack has been cleared or the ball is in the middle third of the pitch, just like the FIFA videogame on the SNES. This sort of incident will rarely happen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBgnRNxxAdI 13) Most refs won't book a player in the first 5 mins If there's a really shocking/cynical foul or a deliberate handball then of course the ref will show a yellow card BUT most refs will always give teams 'one' tackle that they'll get away with. An early yellow card will usually create a rod for the referee's back as he runs the risk of loosing control over the match. How else can you explain this from Roy Keane on Marc Overmars? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42vAdQ_KATY 14) If a ref gives a decision against the home team then they'll quickly level it up How many times have you seen a ref award a soft penalty or yellow card against the home team only to instantly 'level' things up by penalizing the opposition for something very soft minutes later? 15) 'Keepers in leggings If a 'keeper can't be trusted to man up, face the weather or dress himself accordingly then how can you trust him to make the right decision, command his box and keep a clean sheet. Case in point: Massimo Taibi. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMpjRfOmTjM 16) The crowd 'myth' A myth among the elite levels of football is that players might be rattled by a noisy crowd of 80,000 people. Utter rubbish. The majority of players in big clubs are professional and accustomed to playing in front of big crowds. Once the whistle blows, the sound of the crowd is just white noise and all the chants, screams, boos and fireworks from fans won't take away a millisecond of their attention. 17) Foul-throws are never penalized As a schoolboy footballer, this JOE was taken aside and told how to properly take a throw in because as a right-back the chances are that I'd be taking a fair few of them. Two feet on the ground and the ball must be behind your head. It's basic stuff but referees were so pedantic about this rule that they constantly used to blow their whistle for foul-throws even when my throw-ins were 100% fine. When I watch the Premier League/ Champions League I'm constantly amazed that very few footballers seem to know how to take a proper throw in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYyS_HaNPBM 18) A 50-50 studs up tackle If two players go and compete for the same ball with both sets of studs showing then the free-kick will always be awarded to the player who makes contacts with the ball. It's annoying because both players have the same intention, recklessness and foul-play although one gets away with it. JOE has got plenty more of these unwritten rules in mind but we want to hear what else bugs you about The Beautiful Game? Tell us in the Facebook comments...