02/06 The Morning JOE

The Front Pages

The one recurrent theme on all the broadsheets is that of Gráine Seoige splitting from her husband.

We’ll try not to focus too much on that catastrophe and the devastating impact it will undoubtedly have on all our lives.

Here’s how some of the other main headlines read:

‘O’Leary to get €40m Ryanair Bonanza’ – The Irish Independent.

‘Israel to free hundreds of activists taken from flotilla’ – The Irish Times.

‘Israel bows to pressure to free captives’ – The Irish Examiner.

According to The Irish Independent Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary is going to earn himself some €40m after the airline decided to give a €500m cash payout to its shareholders. O’Leary just happens to own 4 per cent of Ryanair, so he will be one of the major beneficiaries. Funny how things work out. Ah well, they did increase their pre-tax profits by 290% for the year so you can’t blame them for patting themselves on the back. With big stacks of money.

The Irish Times have decided to stick with the story that has been dominating TV news bulletins – Israel’s hi-jinx on the high seas. Apparently the bad boy of Middle Eastern diplomatic relations is in the process of freeing hundreds of people seized from a flotilla of vessels boarded in international waters. Those they didn’t kill anyway.

The Examiner has also stuck with the story of Israel doing its best Somali pirate impression. Not a bad effort, it has to be said. Although the Somali’s rarely clock up that many kills.

Tales from the Tabs

The tabloids are singing in unison about Gráine Seoige splitting from her husband. Another fit Irish celeb is back on the market!

It took us a while to get further than page 3 in The Irish Sun this morning due to the startling model it features. Go and buy it. Camel toe isn’t the world. Anyway, once back from the bathroom, we had a flick around and as it turns out there are some good stories in there too.

They have a meaty one on page 13: ‘Head wreck – shops peddle deadly new legal highs’. Apparently the head shops are not licked yet. They’ve brought a raft of new products onto the market. Stick it to the man!

The Irish Daily Mirror is going on about Seoige more than we care to mention, there are obviously women buying that paper, but they’ve a decent story on page 6-7. ‘The claim game’ is the headline. Apparently TDs and senators got €1.5m in two months in expenses. Some of them claimed €10,000 each during the period! And here’s me without enough money for milk, bread and head shop products.

The Irish Daily Mail has also ran with the head shop issue – ‘Scourge of head shops returns – shut loophole in law or children will die, say campaigners as legal highs go back on sale.’ Apparently, ‘underground chemists’ have developed substances such as ‘Amplified’, sold as bath salts, which circumvent existing legislation. Hmm. You can almost hear the sound of a thousand drug dealers filling their petrol cans in unison.

The Irish Daily Star is in fine fettle this morning and did the decent thing by not letting its entire front page be taken over by the Seoige drama. A little column on the left hand side is headed with, ‘Cowen’s threat to Israel over aid flotilla’. Biffo has warned Israel of ‘serious consequences’ if any Irish citizen from the peace flotilla was hurt. We’re not quite sure what those consequences might be. Maybe we would commence bombardment of Israel with our catapult.

The Sports Pages

The big one today on the sports pages is news that Liam Brady has urged the FAI to give the Ireland job to Marco Tardelli (pictured looking like a mafia don who just ordered a pair of concrete shoes for someone), when 71-year-old Trapattoni leaves. Here are some of the headlines:

‘Make your Marco – Brady urges FAI to give Tardelli job after Trap’ – Irish Daily Mirror.

‘Step up to the Marco –Tardelli the next in line’ – The Irish Daily Star.

‘Give it to Marco – Brady: Tardelli boss after Trap’ – The Irish Sun.

The red-top trio is parroting quotes from the former Ireland assistant. He said, “If Giovanni doesn’t stay on, we have a ready-made replacement in Marco Tardelli. Marco has a good relationship with the players. He’s also a very thorough professional and a very experienced guy in management. I would see that as a natural progression.” There you go. Now you don’t have to buy any of them.

The Irish Daily Mail has decided to break ranks and leads instead with, ‘Kingdom in crisis’. Apparently Kerry’s Munster SFC semi-final preparations are in disarray following injuries to star performers Mike McCarthy and Paul Galvin. That’s not good. If you’re from Kerry.

Dig a bit deeper into the back pages and the main story revolves around the England squad Fabio Capello is taking to the World Cup. No place for Theo while Wright-Phillips has sealed a place. Whatever dirt Heskey is using to blackmail Capello with obviously still holds weight, because the human cabbage has somehow managed to earn himself a place.