Mother’s Day – for the mollycoddled among us it’s the biggest event on the calendar outside her birthday. Here’s how to know if you’re a Mammy’s boy.
Do Irish men ever fully detach the umbilical cord? In most cases, that would be a yes. If you nod the affirmative to any of the following then you’ve got some apron string cutting to do.
You’ve never been in a fist fight
Any man worth his salt has had to roll up his sleeves and thrash it out with his fellow man at least once in his life. If not, then you’ve been shielded for far too long. Your mommy probably still parts your hair, tells you to stay away from big boys and warns you to treat girls as you’d treat your sisters. Which is sick.
Anyway, if you haven’t stuck your dukes up and gone toe-to-toe yet, the JOE Team meets on Tuesday nights for Fight Club. Contact us at you’[email protected] for more details.
You frequently check the microwave to see if there’s a dinner in there
Just because you’ve been out working doesn’t mean your mother should be home slaving over a hot stove. The days of sauntering back to the gaff after a few pints in the local expecting a home cooked meal awaiting your arrival should end with your teens. In fact, unless your mother requires your presence due to some physical incapacity, then we reckon you’re a mammy’s boy if you’re not in your own pad by 32.
If you cry at the following jokes:
Your mother’s so fat that when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, “OK”
Your mother’s so ugly when she entered an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”
Your mother’s so stupid she calls you a son of a bitch.
If she’s your best friend
Women may eat this shit up when you use it as a chat-up line, but if it’s the reality then you have a serious self-appraisal to get started on. Running home to your mammy to give her all your news is not cool.
You still tuck in your shirt
We admit that there are a few occasions when tucking in is necessary but once you leave the interview or the church after the wedding, you can let it all hang out. Or perhaps you could attempt to bring back the one side tucked in, one side out trend of 2002.
