On the lookout for a striker? Then why not respond to this brilliant ad by ‘Gary Goals’

Well, he does score ‘all types of the goals’.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is one of many managers on the lookout for a striker in the January transfer window, but often because of an unwillingness by clubs to let a player go halfway through the season, having to pay premium rates or the possibility of being cup-tied, finding the right man isn’t always an easy task. There’s no need to panic, however, because one lucky manager may soon be getting their hands on the brilliantly named ‘Gary Goals,’ who has dispensed with an agent and instead advertised his wares by means of an old-fashioned A4 page advert, complete with easily removable slips of paper containing his phone number at the bottom of the page.

Just found out where Morton acquired Gary O'Connor from. It all makes sense now... pic.twitter.com/6clwgjdscK — Gregor Smith (@gregor1903) January 7, 2014

For absolutely no money at all, managers will get a hold of ‘the top class striker’ who has had trials at Doncaster United (where he played against Wayne Rooney…..’s cousin), does ‘all types of the goals’ and has scored in every match he has ever playsed (sic) in. What a deal! Such a bargain does come with a catch, however, as the small print you may have missed at the bottom reads: “I’m new to the area and free most evenings so call me a I will play for you. Please to note I will not play at the back or go in goals or do rolling sub.” The ad was posted on Twitter by Gregor Smith, whose previous tweet relates to Morton’s signature of 19-stone striker Gary O’Connor on a professional contract and Gregor is probably not the only one who feels that there’s a good chance that both events are related.

There is still hope for us all... 19-stone Gary O'Connor wins professional contract at Morton! pic.twitter.com/1WZyDum12i — Gregor Smith (@gregor1903) January 7, 2014

  So, what are you waiting for Arsene, after all, surely he has to be better than Bendtner, right? (If you’re reading Nicklas, don't worry, we’re only (kind of) joking.