Why doesn't Louis van Gaal just buy the entire Dutch World Cup squad and have done with it?
Dirk Kuyt is the latest member of the Netherlands' World Cup squad to be linked with a move to Manchester United, despite the fact that a) he hardly fits any kind of age profile for a top level Premier League side and b) we seem to remember him playing a game or two for Liverpool.
The Mail on Sunday report that van Gaal is a big fan of the 33-year-old's work ethic and wants to bring him back to England from Fenerbahce in Turkey.
With Daryl Janmaat, Stefan de Vrij, Daley Blind, Nigel de Jong, Arjen Robben, Marco van Basten, Ruud Krol, Wim Kieft (bastard) and half the recreational plants in Amsterdam all heading to the North West this summer, you can expect Manchester to be a particularly chilled out place come August.
Sterling for Madrid? Really?
The Sunday Mirror believe that Real Madrid took quite a liking to Raheem Sterling during that 30 minute spell of excitement against Italy, and conveniently chose to ignore the rest of the Liverpool winger's World Cup.
OK, OK, he was actually decent enough, but never let the facts get in the way of a bitchy line.
Anyway, the tabloid foretell a bid of more than £25m for the 19-year-0ld, while in reality Sterling will sign a new deal with the Reds this summer and put the rumours to bed for another year. Nothing to see here.
Real Madrid begin negotiations for Falcao
We could actually see this one happening, as Real seem prepared to let Barcelona break the bank for Luis Suarez and instead make eyes as Radamel Falcao.
The striker is missing the World Cup with a bad knee injury, not that it's making much difference to Colombia, but should be fit by the start of the season and won't let his former allegiance to Atletico stop him from moving to the Bernabeu.
Monaco are happy to sell their prized asset and have reportedly opened talks.
