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10th Jun 2014

Transfer Talk: Morata linked with Arsenal, Fabregas off to Chelsea and nobody wants Fellaini

Today's Transfer Talk is brought to you by Medusa...

Eric Lalor

Today’s Transfer Talk is brought to you by Medusa…

We kick off today’s transfer talk with a report from the Daily Mail who are saying that Real Madrid are prepared to let their young Spanish striker, Alvaro Morata (pic below), go out on loan to get regular first team football. The three heads of Arsenal, Spurs and Inter Milan popped up like meerkats upon hearing the news and promptly legged it to the Bernabeu in their Sunday best.

Real Madrid CF v Rayo Vallecano de Madrid - La Liga

The three clubs will have a fight to the death on an island with a pair of maracas as their only weapon. Arsenal have been linked with Morata before and so therefore, according to the Mail, are in pole position.

Cesc Fabregas (pic below) is being linked with a move to Chelsea in the Daily Telegraph. They report that the Stamford Bridge club are trying to tie up a deal which ensures that Arsenal do not get a penny in compensation. Arsenal are entitled to half the profit made on any transfer Barcelona could make by selling Fabregas.

Spain Training Session and Press Conference

Therefore Chelsea want to offer less than the £28m that Barca paid to bring him to the Nou Camp. The reason being, Chelsea see Arsenal as direct rivals. It’s groundbreaking journalism like this which keeps us all on our toes. Who knew Chelsea and Arsenal were rivals? Next they’ll be telling us who has secured the rights to stage the 2014 World Cup.

Belgium v Colombia - International Friendly

Poor old Marouane Fellaini (pic above) is being touted down the car boot sale in Manchester for a measly £12m. United are said to be prepared to take a £15m hit on the former Everton man according to the Daily Star, so as “to wipe the slate clean and forget all traces of the David Moyes era”.

Even now, when David Moyes’ name is mentioned at Old Trafford, air attack sirens go off and you are safely removed from the premises. A trifle harsh, but nonetheless, Fellaini seems to be the first casualty of the impending Louis van Gaal era.

Spain v Bolivia - International Friendly

The Metro tell us that Pepe Reina (pic above)will return to Anfield as Napoli don’t fancy him any more. Reina had been on loan with the Italian club this season, but Rafa Benitez has gone off him. Reina is now standing outside Anfield shouting “Guess who’s back, back again, Pepe’s back, tell a friend.” Liverpool, meanwhile, are all hiding behind the couch and pretending not to be in.

The Daily Express are reporting that Everton are confident that they can beat Arsenal to secure the services of Cameroon pensioner, Samuel Eto’o. Everton have promised to install a chair lift and regular bingo nights in an effort to attract the former Chelsea striker. Arsenal have countered those measures by offering Eto’o a turbo-charged zimmer frame and regular day trips to the seaside.


Manchester City are buying Fernando (pic above), the son of Alan Partridge, from Porto according to the Daily Mail. The defensive midfielder from Brazil, who is not part of the Brazil World Cup squad, is said to be available for £14.5m. He is now a Portuguese citizen, but declared last year that his dream was to play for the country of his birth. A couple of months later, he realised that would never happen and so he declared for Portugal. FIFA reacted by saying ‘Sorry sunshine, but you played for Brazil Under 20s and therefore you cannot play for Portugal.’ Fernando allegedly replied ‘Oh yeah? Well…I meant to say Brazil…I’m Brazilian! Why would I declare for Portugal?’

JOE’s off to declare for Brazil.