So evil and yet so cool…
Here at JOE towers we like nothing more than watching a great action film with an iconic hero who kicks all sorts of ass.
We’re very excited to see our own real-life hero, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, starring in the upcoming Hercules film, but we all know that a great hero is only as good as the villains he fights… AND DESTROYS. With this in mind, JOE has decided to take a look at some of our favourite monsters from Greek mythology.
Typhon
A monster that was so deadly it even managed to defeat Zeus, the Typhon was known in Greek mythology as “The Father of All Monsters”. It’s safe to assume that he was pretty evil.
His human upper half reached as high as the stars, while his hands spread as wide as the entire east and west coasts. He must be pretty decent in goal then so. Instead of a human head, a hundred dragon heads erupted from his neck and shoulders.
His bottom half consisted of gigantic viper coils that could reach the top of his head when stretched out and they constantly made a hissing noise. His whole body was covered in wings and fire flashed from his eyes. The Typhon’s offspring included the Sphinx, Cerberus, Hydra and Chrimea amongst others.
Cerberus
Now this is the type of dog that we would love to have keeping guard here at JOE towers. What’s not to love about with a three-headed dog with a serpent’s tail, a mane of snakes and lion’s claws?
In most works, the three heads each respectively see and represent the past, the present, and the future; something which will definitely come in handy for his day job, guarding the entrance of the Underworld.
Capturing Cerberus, without using weapons, was the final labour assigned to Hercules and it’s easy to see why this most difficult task was left to last. We wonder if Hercules just threw a bone at him or decided to play fetch with a tennis ball?
Medusa
JOE thinks it’s fair to say that most men have been on the receiving end of a look from their girlfriend that can send a chill down your spine. Believe us though, this is nothing compared to what Medusa could do.
In Greek mythology she was a monster, described as having the face of a hideous woman with living poisonous snakes in place of hair. If anyone was foolish enough to look into her eyes they would immediately turn to stone. Lucky for us that Perseus came along and decapitated her then so.
Hydra
The Lernaean Hydra was a serpent-like water monster that possessed hundreds of heads and, whenever a single head was cut off, the creature grew three more back to replace it.
So it’s sort of like a boyband then? When one breaks up five more spring up in its place.
The Hydra was scarier than the thought of a million One Directions though, especially considering it also had poisonous breath and a type of blood that was fatal to anyone who ingested it. The Hydra was so powerful that Hercules needed help from his nephew in killing it.
See? Even superheroes need help sometimes.
Empusa
Unlike the other creatures on this list, the Empusa is not as well known but, having just read up on her terrifying traits, JOE is scared witless.
She is often depicted as a beautiful woman… seems fine so far, right? Wait for it though; she then transforms into a creature with sharp teeth, flaming hair and bat wings.
There goes our first date then.
The Empusa would often seduce young men travelling alone and then eat them alive. Once the unsuspecting man was fast asleep, the creature would change into her hideous form and devour the boy’s flesh and drink his blood for sustenance.
She’s certainly not the type of lady that JOE would like to meet on a Saturday night.
After reading about all of these brilliant ancient monsters, JOE’s chomping at the bit to see Hercules kick some ass when the film is released in Irish cinemas this Friday. To get you in the muscly mood in the meantime, just check out the trailer below.
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