Power-ranking the House of the Dragon characters after THAT wedding dinner
Because weddings always go so well in the world of Game Of Thrones...
Hello and welcome (back) to our weekly power-ranking of the characters of the first season of House Of The Dragon.
Need a quick reminder on this 200-years-earlier prequel to Game Of Thrones? Click right here.
Each week, we'll be listing all of the major characters who have died - OUT! - as well as ranking them from the least likely to make it to the next episode, all the way up to who is the most likely to be ruling Westeros as we know it come the series' end.
So here we go, the power-ranking for the fifth episode of House Of The Dragon, titled King of the Narrow Sea...
OUT! - Rhae Royce (Rachel Redford)
At the top of the episode, we were finally introduced to Prince Daemon's wife, the one he claimed is less attractive than some of the livestock in the area. She seems all too aware of the Prince's opinion of her, and is more than happy to be living a kick-ass life, riding around on horseback, killing deer and rabbits for dinner.
She seemed really cool, and smart. She figured out just a smidgen too late that Daemon had re-appeared in her life solely to kill her off, scaring her horse enough to collapse backwards on top of her. As deaths go, it is certainly original.
OUT! - Ser Joffrey Lonmouth (Solly McLeod)
Another mostly brand-new character (we did get a glimpse of him in the prelude to the battle with the Crabfedders), but the gay secret lover of now-future-King Laenor Valeryon seems like he would've been a fun addition to the mix.
But he played his hand too early, setting up a mutual destruction blackmail with Ser Criston, confiding that he knew that were both the side-pieces for the rulers of the Kingdom. This didn't sit well with Criston, he proceeded to punch Joffrey's face into a meat paste.
OUT? - King Viserys Targaryen (Paddy Considine)
Having been slowly decomposing over pretty much the entire episode - watching Viserys over this episode would actually make you feel unwell - the final shot shows the King finally keel over. He might not be dead yet, but if he hasn't actually succumbed to that necrosis-causing disease already, then he is right at death's door.
NINE - Ser Criston Cole (Fabien Frankel)
Has a character ever gone from so likeable to so unlikeable so quickly? Criston was head-over-heels in love with the Princess, but didn't want to be her secret-side-piece, which is totally fine. But to react so violently to Joffrey's conversation was massively problematic. He obviously thought so too, just moments away from falling on his own blade, but the Queen called out to him.
Which way his loyalties will fall going forward is anyone's guess, but we're definitely no longer rooting for Criston to come out on top. We don't like you anymore, Criston!
EIGHT - Lord Corlys Velaryon (Steve Toussaint)
He knows very clearly that his son is gay - although he seems to think that it is something that he'll grow out of - and is more consumed with their family being in a prime position of power to really care too much about how dangerous the proximity to power actually is. His ego and sense of self is so inflated that he likely won't see how much trouble his family are in until it is too late.
SEVEN - The various Lords and Grand Maesters on the Council
Lyonel Strong got promoted to King's Hand and he'll likely be very good at the job, but his son Larys goes full Little Finger, being a total shady bisch, filling the Queen's ear with poisonous (albeit accurate) rumours.
Plus news is spreading about the Maester's morning-after tea, so all-in-all, a mixed bag for this group this week.
SIX - Prince Daemon Targaryen (Matt Smith)
There was a moment, towards the end of the wedding, when we were sure that the Princess had quite enough of Daemon's drama queen antics and decided to kill him right there and then. But Daemon is far too evilly entertaining to kill off that way, plus he was getting his flirt on with the future-King's sister Laena Valeryon, so we'll definitely be keeping an eye on that pairing.
FIVE - Ser Otto Hightower (Rhys Ifans)
He's been fired and essentially exiled from the Kingdom, but not before telling his daughter that her own babies are in danger from her stepdaughter/best friend. It seems unlikely that this will be the last time we see Ser Otto, he'll most likely return for the King's imminent funeral, but for now... we bid him adieu. Which means he's at least safe from danger.
FOUR - Princess Rhaenys Targaryen (Eve Best)
Welcome back, we've missed you dearly! She can see that her cousin the King is on the way out, and is all too aware that her son marrying the heir is going to paint a big target on his back.
Once again in this episode we're reminded that 99.999999% of this bullshit would've been nipped in the bud if Rhaenys had been made ruler instead of Viserys.
THREE - Laenor Velaryon (John Macmillan)
Poor Laenor. His secret boyfriend got violently murdered during his arranged marriage, so the only thing that might - MIGHT - have helped him endure a few decades of matrimony to a woman he has no interest in, and keeping a kingdom together in the process, has died. Not a good week to be a gay character in Westeros.
But he'll definitely "do his duty" with his wife and have some kids, solidifying their position as rightful rules of the kingdom.
TWO - Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen (Milly Alcock)
This feels like the first time we've felt properly scared for Princess Rhaenyra. We know, in our soul of souls, that she will be safe (mostly because she is already cast by an older actress for future episodes/seasons), but during the tussle in the wedding, it really did feel like the crowd would part and any one of the leading characters would be found in a pool of their own blood.
But, as per usual, the Princess has proven her grit, even if it ultimately ended with her crying during her own wedding. Which isn't ideal for anyone, really.
ONE - Alicent Hightower (Emily Carey)
All of that naivety, all of that innocence, all flayed away by revelation after revelation this episode. First her father with his truth bombs, then Larys with his unsubtle gossip spreading, then Ser Criston confessing to the hook-up, and on and on and on. So she arrives to the wedding dinner, dressed in battle colours, right in the middle of the King's speech. She's done playing nice with everyone.
And she's learning to power of keeping her friends close, and those who bone her friends closer. Hence her not ratting out Criston, and stopping his almost-suicide in those final moments.
Knowing her trust circle is even smaller than she could've imagined, Queen Hightower is about to come into her own.
House of the Dragon: Episode Five - titled The Princess and the Queen - will be available to watch on NOW and Sky from Monday, 26 September.