JOE’s Succession Power Rankings: Tailgate Party

Simon Kelly

It’s party time.

Fresh from LA with sun-kissed skin and Hollywood smiles, the Roys are back on election day eve. Surrounded by crypto-fascists, right wing nut-jobs, venture capital dems and centrist ghouls – where they feel most comfortable – the Succession power rankings see some major changes this week.

Shiv and Tom are back together and already hosting a party, but will it last? (spoiler: it does not) which is quickly crashed by the big Swede, Lukas Matsson himself, setting up a pretty tense, closed-in episode. Operation Nuke the Luke is in full swing and the cast are on top form. Let’s dive into the power rankings this week.

10. Second India

Failing at it’s one job: existing.

9. Tom

One of the final scenes of Tom lying in bed, by himself, in the dark, is a perfect encapsulation of where Wambsgans is in the power rankings this week. After his quite frankly incredible tete-a-tete with Shiv on the balcony, Tom is well and truly on life support at this point in terms of his career and personal life.

The episode starts off so well for Tom and Shiv, but by the end of the hour there is no going back for either. Tom completely unravels as Shiv throws endless heartless jabs at him, while he stabs back desperately leaving his heart on the floor with nothing to show for it at the end. A scorpion paperweight though? What were you thinking, Tom?

8. Lukas

The “jerk-off coder from Gothenburg” returns to New York as a surprise (but nonetheless invited) guest at the last minute. Ever since the Swede put his lucrative offer on the Roy’s metaphorical table, he’s been sliding down the power rankings that even that gold jacket can’t save.

If there’s a lesson for Lukas in this episode it’s that there’s only one India, so maybe keep the lips sealed. However, he does not seal those Scandinavian lips and proceeds to recklessly parade through the party harassing his hateful head of comms and have a weird bro-off with Kendall in front of everyone.

We particularly liked his cat-like position perched on the windowsill behind Connor and Roman’s argument, though. Lukas is chaos, Lukas is good TV. But what’s good for TV is not good for Lukas, unfortunately.

7. Shiv

Looking for a very, very, very significant role in return for actively assisting Lukas’ acquisition, Shiv is starting to wonder if she has backed the wrong horse in a race against her brothers. She might have truly destroyed her familial relationships from every angle this episode and her power is starting to wane. Turns out the whole “playing both sides” thing does not work.

What’s worse for her is the return of Nate sends her newly-reconciled relationship with Tom into death spiral, resulting in her being told she won’t be a good mother. Good thing she’s not pregnant or anything.

6. Roman

The CEO who clearly does not like being CEO is turned mediator between his presidential failure brother and a right-wing frontrunner this week. However, that’s the least of his worries because our queen Gerri is also there to remind him about how stupid his decision to fire her was. It wasn’t a joke Roman, you should have just gifted her a stinging arachnid encased in glass instead.

5. Greg

Greg (or Gary, as Lukas likes to call him) is once again at the mercy of the Roys – this time it’s his new puppet-master Kendall who needs him to keep a leash on Lukas. He’s team Ken-Ro now, and it’s a decision that may work out yet.

Feeling very proud about firing over 100 people over Zoom earlier in the episode, he uses his new-found ruthlessness to win over the Swedes. He’s gone from the “hanger-on” to the “butcher with a smile.” But, we all know it’s a superficial title. You are a pawn Greg, it’s best to keep to your lane here.

4. Ebba

NEW CONTENDER ALERT. All of those frozen blood packages might be worth it. Ebba, the comms expert who hates comms, has been pushed to the brink by Matsson. So much so that she leaks the India numbers issue to the CE Bros.

Knowing she’ll be gone from GoJo soon, Ebba has nothing to lose. And when a character has nothing to lose in Succession, that’s when they’re at their most dangerous.

3. Kendall

Hell-bent on screwing up the GoJo deal, Kendall gets gifted the golden ticket to go “reverse Viking” and turn Waystar around to eat up GoJo in the form of Ebba.

Once he sees the comms leader get blasted by Matsson in public, the Roy boy can smell blood in the water like a dead-eyed shark and goes straight in for the kill. The India reveal is exactly what he needs to power up and do what his dad could never do.

Kendall’s back and the sibling triple threat is no longer an option. He’s out on his own and he absolutely loves it. One head, one crown, baby.

2. Connor

Having put so much heart into his disastrous and embarrassing presidential campaign, why settle for Mogadishu? An ambassadorial role in Europe would do it though. Creep up through the Balkans and in Berlin by Christmas, a dream result for Connor.

Settling on Oman after having North Korea surprisingly turned down (don’t put him near the nukes), Connor takes a stand on what little principles he has left and chooses to side with the only person who doesn’t think he’s a joke – his darling wife Willa.

Connor has all the power over the sibs this week – another very surprising realisation – and with that Manhattan townhouse just waiting for Willa’s interior design plans, a compound in Oman will simply not do. Maybe they can retire to Alaska for the spring, they seem to like him up there.

1. Gerri

While everyone have had a pretty shitty week this episode, Gerri has already had her nadir earlier in the season and is starting to punch her way back up. She’s safe for the next five years and she wants “eye watering” amounts of money from Roman for her firing.

She’s also got those naughty pics saved into a very special folder that she’s willing to release at any moment if Roman doesn’t give her what she wants. Gerri’s at the top this week, and by god does she deserve it!