A thrilling '90s war film is among the movies on TV tonight
"We're here to preserve democracy, not to practice it."
In the immortal words of Jon Bon Jovi, "we're halfway there".
Halfway through the week, we mean.
As 'Always', we're here with more picks for what you should watch on the small screen tonight.
But if you choose to go terrestrial, here's JOE's top picks for the movies on TV tonight.
Cooties - Horror Channel - 9pm
Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson beat the snot out of a school full of children. Hilarity ensues.
Disappearance at Clifton Hill - Film4 - 9pm
A Canadian thriller, which is basically like a normal thriller, except with more Tim Hortons.
Crimson Tide - Great! Movies - 9pm
Our top pick is an unnervingly prescient war thriller based on the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Denzel Washington and Gene Hackman butt heads as one wrong turn could suddenly submerge the world into a nuclear winter.
Great soundtrack, and some deadly performances. A good Wednesday watch.
Miami Vice - Turner Classic Movies - 9pm
If anything can be said about this film, it's that it gave us this hilarious Colin Farrell moment.
Rocks that Colin Farrell remembers, and is still annoyed, 14 years later, that Charlie Rose called Miami Vice "Miami Whatever" pic.twitter.com/Jie288mjYu
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) March 5, 2022
Fury - ITV4 - 10.10pm
Brad Pitt leads a tank crew behind enemy lines in this World War II drama.
Mother's Day - Horror Channel - 10.45pm
A sort-of remake of the '80s psychological horror.
Murder on the Orient Express - Film4 - 11.05pm
Kenneth Branagh's take on Belgian detective Hercule Poirot's greatest train-based caper.
Force Majeure - Channel 4 - 2am
In typical fashion, one of the best films of the night is on incredibly late. A great dark comedy for the night owls.