"Your brother's white jeans are definitely not cool, do not wear them."
Next up on the JOE Tombola of Truth is Leinster and Ireland's Gordon D'Arcy, who
is the 2015 Samsung Night Run Dublin 10K event ambassador.
The JOE team has come up with 50 questions which are conveniently numbered 1-50. Impressive, we know.
These are random questions about life, sport, music, movies, craic and the rest of it. Anything goes.
We give the interviewee various different attempts at spinning the JOE Tombola of Truth and, depending on which number is pulled out, we ask the corresponding question.
Let the spin begin.
JOE: Would you rather fight one hundred duck-size horses or one horse-size duck?
Gordon: It's got to be the hundred duck-size horses. What are you going to do with a big duck?
Are you really going to do any damage to that thing. It would be like hitting Homer Simpson in the head, no effect.
JOE: Have you ever been in a pub fight?
Gordon: Thankfully, no. I'm a very calm man after a few drinks.
JOE: Who would play you in your biopic?
Gordon: I think Mark Wahlberg would be pretty cool.
Although the movie would air in the middle of the night on TV3 and ten people would watch it; me, my wife, my parents, my dog and a few friends.
JOE: What advice would you give your adolescent self?
Gordon: Your brother's white jeans are definitely not cool, do not wear them. And don't wear them with a paisley shirt, that's not a good look.
JOE: What's your idea of heaven?
Gordon: I've a baby on the way so to head off with my wife Aoife, the baby and our dog to somewhere warm. That would be heaven.
JOE: What's your favourite holiday destination?
Gordon: The Cap Rocat Hotel in Mallorca.
JOE: Blur or Oasis?
Gordon: It's got to be Blur.
JOE: On a scale on 1 (Pierce Brosnan) to 10 (Daithi O'Se), how Irish is your accent?
Gordon: I'm from Wexford, went to school in Kildare and live in Dublin so I would say around five.
It really depends though, if I spend a bit of time in Wexford, I'm up around an eight but we'll settle on five.
JOE: What was your best/worst chat-up line?
Gordon: Christ, I can't believe I'm even saying this. I got absolutely destroyed by a girl at the Galway Races years ago.
I went up to her and said: "Hi, I'm Gordon D'Arcy." She said: "Ah no you're not, he's actually good looking."
I was 23 at the time and I was speechless.
JOE: Who was your first crush?
Gordon: It was on a girl in Primary School in Bunclody. I was six but I managed to find her address and I sent her a love heart that I cut out of leather.
It looked like something Edward Scissorhands made.
JOE: Who in your opinion is the most Irish person alive?
Gordon: Dara O'Briain. I think he encapsulates all the really positive things about Irish people.
JOE: Who or what really grinds your gears?
Gordon: I'm a patient guy, but there is one - people who don't pick up dog shit after them on the street.
My dog is the size of a horse, every time he goes, it's a two-bagger.
JOE: What's the weirdest dream you've had recently?
Gordon: I don't dream. It's weird, 90% of the time I don't dream and if I do, I never remember them.
JOE: Messi or Ronaldo?
Gordon: It used to be Messi, but now it's Ronaldo. Ronaldo is more likable now, he's one of the few footballers in the world that you can't begrudge him his money.
JOE: Have you ever been naked in public?
Gordon: Not naked, but I went through a phase of swimming in fountains. I frequent local, national and international fountains in my time. I always kept my jocks on though.
JOE: What's the best music gig you've ever been to?
Gordon: I went to see Arcade Fire in the Olympia just after their first album came out, that was amazing.
The coolest thing though was getting to see REM rehearse at the Olympia.
Myself and my buddy were sitting there for about three hours, Michael Stipe was figuring out the set and arrangements, that was incredible.
Gordon D'Arcy is the 2015 Samsung Night Run Dublin 10K event ambassador and will be lending his support and training advice to runners via www.samsungnightrun.ie.
The fourth Samsung Night Run Dublin 10K event takes place on Sunday 26th April at 9pm, 7,000 runners will take to the streets of Dublin to light up the City.
Registration is open at www.samsungnightrun.ie.
