With the sad news that Flappy Bird is no longer with us, JOE looks at a few other games that have driven us to rage quit.
Throwing the controller against the wall, cursing the pixelated on-screen characters and quitting in a rage-fueled hissy fit, sometimes we wonder why it is that we love video games, and why we keep going back for more punishment after we’ve already failed countless times.
That is the mystery of the programming, and if you can hit that sweet spot on the difficult/enjoyment balancing spectrum, then you’ve hooked us and we will keep trying again and again, until we’re a quivering mess in the corner of a dark room and haven’t eaten for days and days. Flappy Bird seemed to have that, and its familiar graphics that looked like Mario were comforting and reassuring at the same time, lulling us into a false sense of security. We’ve played Mario, we could do this, after all, it’s only a bird flapping around the place…
With the horror and annoyance of the now deceased Flappy Bird still fresh in our minds, we turn our attention to a few games through the years that have driven us to the limits of our patience, and held us there, staring into the abyss. You weren’t there man, you weren’t there…
Gran Turismo
The licence tests, oh the licence tests. Our actual driving test featuring a real car was easier than these bloody licence tests. The first few were grand, but when they later forced you to try and get a Mazda Demio around a corner at high speed, and it simply wasn’t happening. That failure music has been burned into our brains…
Guitar Hero
The clunking sound of that note going wrong, the crowd booing, the tip-tapping of the keys on the plastic guitar, it’s all still too real. Being good at the guitar in real life was of absolutely no benefit in this game, and it actually seemed to be a hindrance, but for some reason we couldn’t stop playing. We could play most of those songs on the guitar, and not only did no one care, but we also couldn’t do it on the screen, which was the real quiz.
Candy Crush
Ah, Candy Crush. So simple you could teach a bowl of porridge to play it, yet at times so difficult you felt like burying your phone in the garden and moving house so that you never had to play it again.
Most of the levels increased in difficulty at an almost perfect pitch but every so often you will hit a level that is so jaw-gnawingly hard that you start to hate the game. But the time it takes for a new life to be created (30 minutes) is exactly the right amount of time for you to have a short walk around the block, a cup of tea and get in the mood to try it again. The infamous Level 65 may send you close to the brink of madness, but when you finally clear all the jelly, it is a feeling of unadulterated joy.
That feeling of satisfaction, plus the enormous number of levels, keeps you ticking along so that many, many months after first downloading the game, it is still the most played on our phones. It may have crippled our battery, damaged our eyesight and made out thumbs freakishly big, but we just can’t quit you…
Battletoads
Battletoads was quite clearly an attempt to cash in on the Turtles franchise, and starred three turtles toads with attitude, who had to run around saving some sort of princess or other. Plot details remain pretty hazy, since we were eight years old and still foolish enough to believe that we could beat any video game. We were wrong. The level with the speed bikes was our undoing every single time. We genuinely can’t remember ever getting past it.
While we’re talking about the Turtles, their game on the NES was also incredibly frustrating, and the lads at Dorkly have it about right with their extremely NSFW version of the theme tune. Turtles Through Time was brilliant though.
Die Hard Trilogy
This game was excellent because it was essentially three games in one and it blew our tiny minds, but holy hoopin’ flooterin’ Jaysus if it wasn’t incredibly difficult. They had all these rules like don’t shoot civilians and make sure you finish the level without dying that made it so annoying, but at the same time we knew what we were playing was incredible, and we might not see the like of it again. We were right, you know.
In particular, the driving level was so difficult but at the same time kept making us believe that if we could just shave two seconds of our time we’d succeed. We can do it, we just need 46 more hours.
Notable mention must go to the first Assassins Creed, which turned into a bloody horse riding simulator, Contra on the Nintendo, which had so much going on at the same time we needed five pairs of hands to play it, Metal Gear Solid and its crazy controller swapping antics, Call of Duty which has caused us to rage quite time after time, Time Crisis because Time Crisis and Dumb Ways to Die, although we like their song.
Hat-tip to Yahoo Finance for the main image
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