If there’s one thing Emmet Purcell hates, it’s when I, Emmet Purcell, hear celebrities speaking in the third person. Here are the five worst offenders.
Speaking in the third person, which is known as Illeism or “being a gobshite”, is perhaps one of the most irritating habits a person can do, aside from wearing sunglasses indoors, which sadly has no specific term as yet.
However, in defence of illeists (that may not be a word, granted), these figures are some of the most laid back people you could ever know. In fact, they’re so laid back that they’re not even speaking on behalf of themselves.
When it comes to referring to themselves in the third person, the work of this five literally speaks for itself – or maybe it doesn’t. We’re confused.
Flavor Flav
Described by US comic Jimmy Kimmel as being so skinny that he resembles a skinny black Make-A-Wish Foundation kid whose dying wish was to put on a wetsuit, everyone’s favourite clock-wearing, skank-impregnating non-rapper Flavor Flav has just one major personality defect – illeism.
In fact, Flav is so fond of his own name that he’s prone to just shouting at out at random intervals during every Public Enemy performance. Considering that Flav walks around with a giant clock (though evidently never a pack of condoms), he always knows what time it is – though not when it’s time to finally refer to himself in the first person.
Bernard Hopkins
When your day job involves being hit in the head really hard by people that specialise at hitting people in the head, it’s possible that you may forget your own name at some stage. If so, that’s the only explanation for professional boxer Bernard Hopkin’s legendary habit of referring to himself in the third person.
When asked about a pay dispute with boxing promoter Lou DiBella ten years ago, Hopkins really outshone himself, stating: “People are saying Lou DiBella is Bernard Hopkins’ savior and now Bernard Hopkins is cutting his head off. And now, guess who is promoting Bernard Hopkins? Right, Don King.”
Still fighting at the age 46 and current WBC light heavyweight champions, Hopkins is showing no signs of retiring – possibly because he doesn’t realise that he actually is the boxer Bernard Hopkins.
Pele
Some would argue that being perhaps the greatest footballer of all time and also being able to maintain a full erection at the age of 71 affords Brazilian legend and Viagra spokesman Pele the right to do whatever he wants. That may be true but read the following bile-inducing quotes that Pele gave to CNN when asked who he thought was the best player of all time and make your own mind up.
“Nobody did what Pele did. Being champion of the world at 17 years old, won three World Cups, scored more than 1,208 goals – only him!” said Pele on Pele. “Then until now, nobody did this… to me, Pele is the best.”
Although it’s possible that Pele may have been referring to Hednesford Town centre-half Pele, the 33-year-old Cape Verde international has not even won a single World Cup – what a loser. So whether a rush of blood exited the forever randy Pele’s head towards his bathing suit area before he answered or if he was just being a complete egotist, he doesn’t come out of that chat too well.
Elmo
Having taken the mantle of unofficial Sesame Street leader from Big Bird in the mid 1990s, some would argue that Elmo’s ego has gotten out of control.
Where once the red monster would be happy just to get tickled by children, these days he has to have his own movies (Elmo in Grouchland and the incredibly graphic Elmo’s Potty Time) and hosts the full 15 minute segment of each Sesame Street broadcast, ‘Elmo’s World’. That’s right; according to him, it’s Elmo’s world and we’re all just living in it.
In fact, Elmo’s bad attitude (not to mention his foul mouth) and urge to speak in the third person is so overwhelming that despite worries from parents that Elmo’s way of speaking may teach children improper English, Sesame Street have defended Elmo’s utterances by explaining that since he is 3 years old, it makes sense for him to speak that way.
Or more accurately, the red menace is commanding even more creative control over the downtrodden puppets than anyone else will mention.
John McIntyre
Former Offaly and Galway hurling manager John McIntyre comes across as a nice enough sort of a chap, but he is let down by the same fondness for illeisms as the more colourful and arrogant characters listed above.
The GAA coverage on Newstalk’s Off the Ball often begins with an intro featuring McIntyre referring to himself in the third person and he was at it again when explaining his departure from the Galway job earlier this year, stating: “In my hearts of hearts, I knew the game was up for John McIntyre and this management team when we fell so disappointingly to Waterford in Thurles.”
As our sharp-minded editor Shane Breslin noted in a Hospital Pass piece earlier in the year, those quotes appeared in the Connacht Tribune, where McIntyre is the resident Sports Editor. There must have been a possibility, therefore, that John McIntyre spoke about himself in the third person when giving an interview to … himself. Oh dear.
