"If you don't have a light on your bike, they should take the bike off you": JOE spins the Tombola of Truth with Marty Whelan
“There's no Tombola is there? You're just making these up as you go.”
The latest candidate to take on the fearsome Tombola of Truth is RTÉ Lyric presenter Marty Whelan.
Marty releases his own music compilation double album called 'Marty Recommends' today, which features artists as diverse as Van Morrison and Imelda May.
To recap, our Tombola contains 50 balls which correspond to 50 mindbogglingly difficult JOE questions.
Fate decides the rest.
Let the spin begin.
JOE: Do you think there's life on other planets?
Marty: No I don't because if there was, I'd like to think that they'd be more intelligent than us and they would have found us by now, so no.
JOE: What's your karaoke song of choice?
I don't have one because I can't sing but if I was to have one it'd be Frank Sinatra, That's Life because the lyrics are incredible. He talks about a career, or life - 'Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race' - you don't even need the lyrics written down.
JOE: If you could change one law, what would it be?
Marty: I've never been asked that question before. Ok... (long pause). Right, I come in to work first thing in the morning and I see people on bikes with high vis jackets on them and no lights.I can't for the life of me understand that and I think if you don't have a light on your bike, they should take the bike of you. It just pisses me of, it drives me mad. If you're going to buy a jacket, surely you'd buy a lamp!
Marty will come and forcibly remove your bike if you haven't a light to go with this
JOE: Graham Norton or Jimmy Fallon?
Marty: Graham Norton
JOE: Cats or Dogs?
Marty: Dogs because we have a a dog called Buddy who's very old and loyal and much loved and he's not brilliantly well at the minute. We're minding him like a baby. He's a Border Collie, who like myself, has never worked a day in his life but he's feeling tired and at 14 in dog years that means he's 98 in human years. Ah, I think the inevitable is around the corner.
By the way, there's no Tombola is there? You're just making these up as you go.
(JOE is greatly affronted and assures Marty of the sacred trust of the Tombola Of Truth)
JOE: Who is the most famous person you know called Joe?
Marty: Well JOE.ie but ummm, everyone will say Joe Duffy. (JOE tells Marty he's the third person to pick that Joe) Well, I would've thought he was Ireland's most famous Joe alright.
Sure everyone knows Joe
JOE: Who or what grinds you gears?
Marty: Dishonesty. I hate it. People who tell you thing but then do another. I'm in a business where that can happen quite often. The other thing people forget is this country is tiny and it will get back to you.
JOE: Would you rather fight one hundred duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?
Marty: The only problem is that the result is inevitable, I will lose. I would rather fight one yolk than a hundred of anything, so you've a better chance with the one. The horse-sized duck could lay an egg on you but with a hundred of the other things, you've no chance.
JOE: How do you take your tea?
Marty: I take my tea with milk and one sugar.
Sure that's perfection Marty
JOE: Who was your first crush?
Marty: My first real crush was my wife, who I met when we were teenagers. She's the love of my life. I'm still crushing away, we're married 30 years this year. It's a long time she was telling me...
JOE: On a scale of 1(Pierce Brosnan) to 10(Daithí Ó'Sé), how Irish is your accent?
Marty: I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm Dublin myself, my mother is from Kilbeggan in Westmeath, my father is from Dublin but his family are from Wexford. I grew up with that mixture of accents. Who's 1 on the scale again, Pierce Brosnan? That's not a Navan accent... For safety reasons, I will go with five.
JOE: What person dead or alive would you like to go for a pint with?
Marty: Frank Sinatra. I'd love to talk to him and ask him stuff because I've had pints with people that I love in this life and he'd be brilliant company.
Marty Recommends is available in stores and digitally from March 6th featuring 34 tracks from artists including Van Morrison, Imelda May, Elton John, Ennio Morricone, Sting and Glen Campbell.