Inspired by the ludicrous new name for Die Hard 5, ‘A Good Day to Die Hard‘, we’ve trawled the interwebs and returned with five movie titles that might just be worse.
Santa With Muscles
What if Hulk Hogan was Santa Claus? Obviously, that premise is one of the most genius ideas ever concocted in the history of Hollywood but it gets even better once you read the movie’s synopsis: “An evil millionaire (Hulk Hogan) gets amnesia and then believes that he is Santa Claus.”
We’ve all been there, right? Of course, you don’t cast a world-renowned thespian such as Hulk Hogan and ask him to don a white beard and fat suit – instead you create a sexy tanktop design and title your movie ‘Santa With Muscles‘. Of course you do. Don’t even try to blame the 1980s for this travesty – the film’s from 1996, so let’s all hang our heads in shame.
Quantum of Solace
A quantum is, in physics terms, the minimum amount of any physical entity involved in an interaction. So what the hell is a ‘Quantum of Solace‘, surely the most nonsensical James Bond movie title despite decades of competition?
Considering the title, which sounds suspiciously like a Question of Sport, bears no relation to the movie’s plot or tone, we reckon somebody in Hollywood just thought it sounded cool. They were wrong.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Sadly, this isn’t the incredible story of the dancing clothes in that Cadbury’s commercial, it’s a pile of hippie garbage centred upon ‘Four best girlfriends that hatch a plan to stay connected with one another as their lives start off in different directions: they pass around a pair of secondhand jeans that fits each of their bodies perfectly.” Ugh, Jesus.
Despite the awful title, this film is part of a tiny Hollywood subgenre that involves awful film titles for movies that appeal to lonely women – see 2002’s ‘Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood‘ for further proof.
Travelling Pants was such a success (in America, obviously), that it received a sequel, which was unfortunately not a pornographic spin-off titled ‘There’s a Party in my Travelling Pants (And 8 Men Are Invited)‘. More’s the pity.
Every ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ sequel
If you accidentally murdered someone and received a message that read ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer‘, you’d be pretty spooked. However, if you received another that read ‘I Still Know What You Did Last Summer‘ and then ‘I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer‘, you’re probably the victim of particularly pushy Nigerian spam emails.
While we’re on the subject, how come if the movie titles are referencing the same summer as the original movie, why is the entire cast completely different? Also, didn’t they fully kill that guy in the first place? Ghosts can write letters? We’d much prefer the sequel ‘I saw you killing that guy and now I’m gonna kill you but I’m sending a warning first because I’m actually a pretty nice guy’. That’d be much more polite.
Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid
If Michael Douglas was out of shape on the set of Falling Down, this would’ve been a perfect alternate title. This 1986 comedy movies pokes fun at an escaped mental patient, so it’s entire subject matter, not just its title, is incredibly offensive to large swathes of people. Nice work guys.
Any we’re missing? Should Frankenhooker have got a mention? Let us know your suggestions in the comments section below.
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