"IT'S NOT A TOOMAH!" - JOE brings you Arnie's greatest ever one-liners
“GET TO THE CHOPPA”… and to the upcoming Jameson Cult Film Club screening of Predator.
Due to unprecedented demand, the Jameson Cult Film Club is returning to Dublin for a special 25th anniversary screening of the 1987 classic, Predator. Continuing on from this year’s successful screenings of Die Hard, Intermission and LA Confidential, the Jameson Cult Film Club promises to transport the audience right into the world of this high suspense, sci-fi thriller at a secret Dublin location on Tuesday 19th November 2013.
Directed by action supremo John McTiernan and starring the man-mountain that is Arnold Schwarzenegger, Predator tells the story of an elite special forces team, led by ‘Dutch’ (Schwarzenegger), on a dangerous mission to rescue hostages from guerrilla territory in Central America. Unbeknownst to the group, they are being stalked and hunted by a technologically advanced form of extraterrestrial life, the Predator.
Or, as it’s affectionately known in JOE Towers, Big-Scary-Bob-Marley-Vagina-Face.
If it’s a crackin’ good old-fashioned action film with endlessly quotable, cheesy Arnie one-liners you’re after, then look no further than the 1987 classic.
And, because those Arnie one-liners are so endlessly quotable, we’re going to go ahead and pick a whole bunch of our absolute favourites. In fact, he’s so quotable that the man recently even started quoting himself...
Not a bad effort we’re sure you’ll agree. He has been practising for years after all.
We’ll let the big man kick off proceedings...
The Terminator's iconic "I’ll be back"... and all of its subsequent derivations.
"It’s not a toomah" – we’re not sure why, and science has been unable to explain it so far, but this quote from Kindergarten Cop is one of the funniest and greatest lines of any film. Ever.
Trust us, we've seen at least 14 films so we would know.
As if we would leave out some of these classics from JCFC's Predator. Expect an almighty cheer whenever each of these little beauties is uttered...
"If it bleeds we can kill it"
"Come on. Do it. Do it! COME ON! KILL ME! I'M HEEEAH!"
CAPS LOCK ALWAYS HELPS WHEN WRITING AN ARNIE QUOTE.
"GET TO THE CHOPPA!"
TOLD YOU THE CAPS LOCK HELPED.
And a few old favourites from Total Recall - "See you at the party Richter!"
We wish we were married to Sharon Stone, just so we could say "consider that a divorce."
That's the only reason we wish we were married to her. We swear.
The Ice Man cometh... and so does an entire compilation of Mr Freeze’s terrible puns – although surprisingly these were not the worst thing about the woeful Batman & Robin film.
Commando also makes us wish that Arnie was our friend, he's obviously so considerate...
Ha! He’s not “dead tired” Arnie you big silly-billy! He’s just completely and utterly dead because you death-elbowed him right on the nose.
Not just a considerate friend, he was clearly also a considerate killer...
And, ahem, 'sticking' with Commando, it's Arnie's classic "stick around" quote, complete with comedy 'boing' noise. Every death is drastically improved by a comedy 'boing' noise.
We could never forget the brilliant advice that Conan (and JOE's Granny) gave us when we were younger. Here he is telling us "what is best in life."
One of JOE's favourite ever insults comes from The 6th Day and we try to use it as much as we can in our day to day life. We recommend that you do the same.
Arnie at his puntastic best in The Last Action Hero...
Whatever you do, just make sure you don't make Arnie a business proposition that he doesn't like. you might end up pissing him off just a teeny tiny little bit as Killian found out in Running Man...
One for the classy girls over at Her.ie. That's right S. Murphy, we're looking at you...
And, probably the most shocking Arnie line of the whole bunch, it's Junior with "I’m pwegnant."
There really are so, so, so, so many more brilliant quotes to hear so why not put aside ten minutes and watch this brilliant compilation. We thank you Internet gods.
Finally, if you disagree with any of JOE's choices then you can go... actually, Arnie has just the response for you
So between now and the upcoming screening of Predator, you can use these clips to help you get to work on your inevitably woeful wonderful Arnie impression so you too can sound exactly like the great man.
Soon the hunt for green blood will begin. Grab your camouflage gear and report to Major Dutch and the rest of the elite Special Forces squad for the covert rescue mission deep in the Central American Jungle; register for free tickets now on www.jamesoncultfilmclub.ie. The exact location is only revealed to successful squad members, so register your interest early.
These free events are more than just your typical screening, as characters from the movie, live theatre and special effects timed perfectly with on-screen action help to create an electric atmosphere throughout the movie.
*Warning* - the Predator blends in with its surroundings, taking trophies from the bodies of its victims as it goes along. So, prepare for a foot chase through the dense jungle as the venue will be completely transformed into a series of sets from the film.
DJ Aidan Kelly will be spinning the sounds from the film before and after the screening while guests will be treated to ‘Jungle’ burgers and refreshing Jameson, Ginger and Lime long drinks.