The Disaster Artist proves that it is totally possible to polish a turd…
If you’ve never seen The Room, then we fully recommend that you do.
It is one of those uniquely terrible movies that has rightfully earned a cult following. To get a good idea of just how bad it is, you just have to check out some of the reviews.
One of the co-writers of The Disaster Artist described The Room perfectly:
“It is like a movie made by an alien who has never seen a movie, but has had movies thoroughly explained to him. There’s not often that a work of film has every creative decision that’s made in it on a moment-by-moment basis seemingly be the wrong one. The mood […] ranges from startling cruelty, shocking misogyny, to unbelievable inventiveness. […] The Room, to me, shatters the distinction between good and bad. Do I think it’s a good movie? No. Do I think it’s a strong movie that moves me on the level that art usually moves me? Absolutely not. But I can’t say it’s bad because it’s so watchable. It’s so fun. It’s brought me so much joy. How can something that’s bad do those things for me?”
Clip via A24
On the flip side, The Disaster Artist itself is getting critical praise pretty much across the board, with talk of Oscar nods for Franco in the leading role. The coal of The Room has been successfully compressed into the diamond that is The Disaster Artist.
While this isn’t the first time Hollywood has turned to some kind of alchemy in terms of terrible movies – just look at 1994’s Oscar winning Ed Wood, pretty much based on Plan 9 From Outer Space – but there is still plenty of scope for more bad movies to be the fuel for great ones.
However, as bad as The Room was (is?), it actually has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 32%, which is remarkably higher than you’d expect, and MUCH higher than some other genuine stinkers that people still watch religiously, purely to get a kick out of just how awful they are.
So here’s a few other turkeys that we think deserve to get The Disaster Artist treatment:
Showgirls
Then: Hot off the heels of erotic thriller Basic Instinct, director Paul Verhoeven enlists Saved By The Bell’s Elizabeth Berkley to play a Vegas stripper-cum-showgirl, who is in a dangerous cat-and-mouse game with Gina Gershon’s headliner. Kyle MacLachlan is also present, to have sex weirdly in pools.
Now: There is so much in common between Showgirls and The Room – the bizarre sex scenes, the insanely over-the-top acting, the bizarrely huge budget ($45 million?!?!) – that it lends itself really well to a bit of a re-do. We’d specifically like to know just why Verhoeven decided to get the actors in the pool sex-scene to channel two epileptic dolphins taking part in a spin class. There’s also the scene where the ladies discuss eating dog food, and Berkley seems to think you’re supposed to drink champagne with your fingers…
Clip via Movieclips
Batman & Robin
Then: Having directed Batman Forever to box office success, director Joel Schumacher decided to double-down on the campy tone and day-glo visuals, adding in Arnie as a pun-machine, Uma Thurman as plant-loving weirdo, and George Clooney constantly looking so bewildered by his surroundings that he’s completely forgotten how to act.
Now: We would happily settle for a two hour epic back-and-forth between Schumacher and the costume designer, arguing exactly why the Batsuit needs super prominent bat-nipples.
Clip via AwesomeDude898
The Happening
Then: A pre-comeback M. Night Shyamalan goes all-in on the worst film of his career, featuring Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel as a chemistry-less couple attempting to out-run the wind. It also features a scene where Wahlberg talks to a plastic plant and asks it not to kill him and his friends and family.
Now: This should be set entirely in one room, with Shyamalan writing the script, and purposefully attempting to create the worst movie ever made, as revenge for Lady In The Water getting bad reviews. “Oh!”, he’ll yell, “They thought THAT was bad? I’ll show them bad!” It would definitely make for a better psychological horror than the movie he ended up giving us, that is for certain.
Clip via Movieclips
Battlefield Earth
Then: John Travolta convinced a film company to spend over $100 million on adapting Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s novel into a “sci-fi epic”, which includes Travolta is a dread-locked alien, Barry Pepper as the saviour of humanity, and an Oscar-winning art-director taking the director’s chair and never having his career fully recover.
Now: Travolta referred to the book as “Pulp Fiction set in the year 3000”, and “Star Wars, but way better”, so the film should feature someone playing Travotla (we’d give it to Jake Gyllenhaal, he can do unhinged quite well), wandering around the set as a giant dread-locked alien, telling everyone how great it is, and everyone else on set looking around confused, wondering why they don’t see the world the way Travolta seems to.
Clip via DrZoo22
The Wicker Man
Then: A remake of the 1973 classic horror, Nic Cage spends the entire movie running around an island not understanding the genre he’s in. At one point, he is dressed in a bear costume, and is punching women unconscious. He is also on Full Cage Mode, acting so hard he is changing the axis of the planet.
Now: We wouldn’t change a thing. Just re-make it again. Same cast, same director, same script, some confusion as to whether this is a comedy or a thriller.
Clip via Troy Olson
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